I'm yumeing!!!!
This page is dedicated to my main selfship.
basics
ship name: feiloki, feilokes, pagan poetry, out the gate you go and never stop
summary: Loki, the God of Stories, Moon-Queen, skald, and the Midgardian who messed with Asgardian magic. Somewhat of a slowburn, but not for long.
In-universe lore
timeline
- Young Avengers: while Loki is out adventuring, a Midgardian who will soon be named Feilan begins messing with Asgardian magic, following instructions he found in a book. He accidentally creates a conduit between his head and the threads of Fate, which gives him visions of the future as confused images and sensations.
- post-Young Avengers: as Loki leaves the party, he's approached by a young man on a bike. He doesn't tell him his name, but he gives him a prophecy: "your stolen skin will strech once more, to roam a path you'll forge alone". He admits he came up with the rhyme, as the vision was nearly incomprehensible to anyone but him. Loki is amused by this. He uses magic to take the man back to his dorm, and there they part.
- Agent of Asgard: the man finds Loki's apartment through his visions. Around this time, he changes his name to Feilan blesi. He gives him more cryptic prophecies, and they begin hanging out. King Loki, noticing this, uses the conduit to get inside Feilan's head and interfere with Loki's path more directly (for fun and profit). Loki and Feilan lose track of each other after the last Incursion.
- interlude: they meet again when Loki befriends Nancy Whitehead, who is friends with Feilan. Here is where they start dating.
Feilan profile
name: Feilan blesi - Feilan meaning "little wolf", blesi referring to a horse's forehead star
age: 19-20 during the events of Agent of Asgard; ages slowly (out of universe) due to the Marvel Sliding Timeline, but he's around 25 in Immortal Thor
height: 170 cm
abilities: magical abilities acquired by establishing a connection with Yggdrasil; initially confused visions of the future and clearer, but out of context, visions of the past and present; with Loki's help he begins studying magic properly, but he lacks experience. A star appears on his forehead when he uses magic.
other affiliations: Doreen Green, Nancy Whitehead, Verity Willis (friends), Zelma Stanton (ex, conflicted friendship)
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
Feilan playlist
in the woods somewhere — hozier
what it feels to come in contact with something terrifying you don't quite understand. also forest imagery
she's lost control — joy division
visions and possession
e.t. — katy perry
historically accurate (2014-2015) song for someone who's in love with a non-human
control — halsey
king loki-related and again, peak mid 2010s
1940 - amplive remix — the submarines
"something's wrong when you regret things that haven't happened yet [...] you couldn't sleep for the awful fright that kept you up in bed last night / well, curious shapes shift in the dark, they vanish with the sunrise spark"
Quick notes
similar dynamics
Doctor/Clara (a mix of elevenclara's excitement and twelveclara's devotion, sans the sad ending)
tropes
human/deity, mutual pining, size difference
common traits
romantic, cat lover, loves savoury food, into online culture, chaotic, emotional, moon coded,
juxtapositions
- (Loki / Feilan)
- younger child / eldest child
- outdoorsy / indoorsy
- smooth talker / bumbles
- confrontational / conflict avoidant
- avoidant attachment / disorganised attachment
Pagan poetry: a feiloki playlist
pagan poetry — björk
a deep love and devotion that yet you feel without understanding its language, the fear of giving in and losing everything. and of course, loki is a pagan deity
fem in a black leather jacket — pansy division
feilan describing his attraction to loki and pretending it's superficial
electric feel — mgmt
the kind of love that makes you feel alive, quasi religious devotion to your lover
it will come back — hozier
loki pov song, love-starved and falling for feilan
curami — cccp
"they'll come to counterattack with new helms and weapons, but in the meantime heal me"
damaged people — depeche mode
very self explanatory
search and destroy — the stooges
it's an official loki song and it mentions a lover so. loki pov of course
i miss you — blink-182
feilan's emo teenage years coming back to him when he's away from loki pre-reunion
wuthering heights — kate bush
pining classic
genius of love — tom tom club
loki pov
born to die — lana del rey
feilan pov
dark entries — bauhaus
:)
without you i'm nothing — placebo
crazy enmeshment yay
to bring you my love — pj harvey
either pov
beautiful james — placebo
feilan pov
how it's going to be — gerard way
feilokes sticking together despite everything
Real life
How did this all happen?
I started reading Thor comics a few years ago, at a friend's suggestion; something about me being very sleep deprived and Loki being Loki changed my brain chemistry and now I think about them very often. I have a shrine dedicated to them in my room, made up of merch I've collected over the years.
Self ship? Yume? Waifu?
I wouldn't call myself a waifuist, as I have a real life boyfriend and all, but I am a bit more committed than a lot of self shippers. I have other self ships that, while they still mean a lot to me, are not on the same level as this one. I prefer to avoid people who self ship with this Loki if we're not already friends, whereas with other characters (even the MCU's Loki) I might find it fun to chat about them.
I know Loki is a fictional character, of course. I just feel them very personally.
Feilan is supposed to be a version of me in the Marvel universe. Although he has a different name from me, I also go by different names under different circumstances. I ship myself with Loki through Feilan, but I don't mind treating Feilan as a fictional character, as both a writing exercises and a means of self-analysis.
Gallery
(art by nicegirlslumber